I was upset enough that they bothered making the first SATC movie. After all, Kim Cattrall made it very publicly known that she a) didn't think there was any story left to tell, and b) was only doing it for the money. Call me a purist (it's only fair), but I would people to at least pretend there's a reason other than making $$ to make a movie, especially a sequel (what else do you call a movie continuation of a tv series?). That they made ANOTHER sequel is just revoltingly cynical. And this movie seems to have even less to say.
For one thing, judging by the episode I saw when the two gay characters met, they HATED each other. So why are they getting married? And why is roughly 40% of the trailer devoted to this sham marriage? At least one of my questions gets answered in this "leaked" clip from the movie:
In case you love your eyes and ears, and thus did not watch the above video, let me just pull some of my favourite quotes for you:
"HER best gay friend is marrying MY best gay friend!!"
OMG, is this like when puppies get married?!? HOW ADORBZ! Gays thinking they're people!
"How did this even happen? I thought they hated each other."
"It's like musical chairs. The music stopped, and they were the last two left standing."
This is a fusion between a meta-commentary on how absurdly convenient the script is, and some sort of grotesquely bad AIDS joke. Yeesh.
"Just when you thought everyone you knew was too old to get married, here come the gays!"
Just so we're clear, same-sex marriage is still illegal in New York. So all this joking around is just extra catty.
So, there's that whole completely incoherent and unnecessary barrel of laughs, as well as the all-expenses-paid trip to romantic, beautiful, whimsical...Abu Dhabi. "I can hear the decadence calling!" trills Samantha, in one of her usual fits of MAKING NO SENSE. There's no way the movie and I are thinking of the same Abu Dhabi, which is a rather large and finance-driven city, with a lot of hustle and bustle and a lot more intolerance for the sheer gaudiness the SATC women seem to live for. The movie's version of Abu Dhabi is straight from the pages of 1890s Orientalism 101, with sand, sequins, and sheer silks draped over every possible surface. For some reason, Carrie is wearing a giant hoop skirt while ankle-deep in this sand, refusing to adhere to any common sense, let alone cultural sensitivity. We are then treated to a cavalcade of really boring observations, spliced in with Dramatically Significant facial expressions - "Being a mother is hard!" *big eyes* - "Something happened..." *big eyes* "You're playing with fire." *big...eyes...* The whole thing just looks so frightfully...off. This movie has nothing new to say, and no idea how to say it besides flinging outlandish couture in our faces. It just isn't fun to spend $10 to watch rich people wear expensive clothes and drink champagne while laughing at each other's non-jokes. There has to be an actual story there, too.
As an anti-fan, I have to say: the fans deserve better than this.
P.S. On a personal note, can the world stop pretending that anything Carrie "Horseface Killah" Bradshaw says is funny? Besides her extremely awesome performance in Hocus Pocus (yes yes, feel free to judge), Sarah Jessica Parker has done absolutely nothing for me, and her desperate mugging through lines like "Just like Aladdin and Jasmine...but with cocktails!" makes me want to vomit with exasperation.