Boy Band Battle Royale: You Got Served

Out of all the boy bands on this list, B2K is the only group that starred in a movie together. (They're also the only group on this list that I've actually seen in concert. I have never experienced the mania of mob mentality like I did at that concert, let me tell you.) Other groups, like NYSNC and (briefly) NKOTB, spun off some actors who appear at various points of the wanna-be--actual actor scale, but never all in the same movie. So I think, instead of the usual Boy Band Battle Royale format, I'd like to talk a little about the cinematic event of You Got Served.

But first, let us pause and admire some art. 

Boy Band: B2K

Members: (from left) Dreux Pierre Frederic (Lil Fizz), Jarell Damonte Houston (J-Boog), Omari Ishmael Grandberry (Omarion), and De'Mario Monte Thorton (Raz-B)

Reign of Terror: 2001-2004

Movie: You Got Served - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkBe80SajCg

At its excessively hip heart, You Got Served is a "put on a show" deal, like those Judy Garland/Mickey Rooney numbers from the '40s. Our ragtag team of heroes have a need - in this case, money - and it just so happens that there is a show coming up! Winning this show would fill that need in a perfectly efficient way - in fact, it would be "just enough money to change our lives!" You Got Served also features the sort of dastardly villains that frequent these movies, some "white boys from Orange County" who claim that they never practice their intricately choreographed dance routines. Here's what it looks like, by the way, when you don't practice. (Don't be afraid to just jump in here without any context. The events will be described as they happen at least 300 times.) And finally, there is a completely lackluster romance between David (Omarion) and Elgin (Marques Houston)'s sister, Leah. 

He's dressed in bright colours so the audience doesn't fall asleep.

But, since You Got Served is after the (rarely coveted) young black male demographic, there are some distinctly "urban" shadings. For one thing, there is a half-hearted subplot involving a shady "merchandise" kingpin (the word "drugs" is NEVER used, so maybe our guys are secret deliverymen or something) named Emerald. When he feels like it, Emerald makes vague threats and is usually accompanied with loud cello music. Emerald is so inconsequential that Steve Harvey's equally inconsequential character resolves the plot off-screen. 


Secondly, there is a wayward youth who our most handsome hero (J-Boog, obviously) mentors in order to save him from a life of crime. In typical "urban movie" fashion, little dude falls victim to that very life of crime in an off-screen hail of gunfire. How do you think our heroes deal with the news? 
A) Punching a hole in the hospital wall
B) Rush-ordering a dozen spray-paint memorial shirts
C) Praying for little dude while bouncing to Joe Budden's "Pump It Up" 
D) All of the above. 


There is also a character named Beautifull, with two L's, and she is played by Meagan Good. 

Consider the young black male demographic courted.

In case I hadn't successfully made this point, this movie is completely ridiculous. Watching it, it becomes painfully clear that all the focus was put on the choreography, at the expense of the script and the actors (such that they are). Plot points are sort of lobbed at the screen, and just fall whenever and wherever they fall. Also, there is a weird reification of shoes going on here, whereby if someone touches your shoes, you're allowed to try to punch him in the face? The movie treats women as either expendable window-dressing or coveted prizes, as opposed to, you know, women. And yet...the dancing is pretty wicked. And the eye candy is tremendous.

Final Tally: 

• Sex appeal/charisma: 10000/10 (see top of post)
• Cheesiness: 10000/10 (see sex appeal/charisma)
• Dance moves: 10000/10 (see here)
• Music: 4/10
• Post-band success: The only member who has gone on to make a name for himself is Omarion, who is still singing, "acting," and sitting as a judge on America's Next Top Dance Crew. J-Boog and Lil Fizz have started a record label together, which is very nice, I suppose. Raz-B plans to release his autobiography, though god knows what the hell will be in it.