Anatomy of a break-up: My year with Barack Obama's email subject lines

2011 was a rough year for President Obama for many reasons, not least of which was his dramatic rollercoaster ride of a relationship with my email inbox. Brought to you by the Obama communications team, I present Anatomy of a break-up: My year with Barack Obama's email subject lines.


January - The Break-Up
Sad but not surprising
No other way to put this
Promises Kept

In what seems like a purgative move, Obama and my inbox started the new year apart. Things had clearly been bad for a while, and it was clearly time to move on. Near the end of January, though, he made a snide remark about how few promises had been kept, and his passive-aggression started to show. This would be a recurring theme throughout the year. 


May - Rethinking Things
Fixing what's broken
Something happened

We spent several months with almost no contact at all. Our correspondence was professional and perfunctory, and for a while he seemed content to focus on budget negotiations and starting his 2012 campaign. In May, however, Obama began to miss what he had with my email inbox, and sought some sort of reconciliation. 

When I was young, I never needed anyone...

June - A Big Step
Dinner?
This is for real

My email inbox decided to play it cool and ignore his tentative pleas during the previous month. He became slightly more insistent, asking to see my inbox in person and demanding that I take this seriously.


July - Shifting Moods
Thank you for your commitment

Nothing in July but stinging sarcasm. My inbox remained unresponsive. 


August - Ultimatum
Here's the deal

Obama tried to reestablish his terms, hoping that taking a more dominant approach would woo my inbox back. This attempt failed miserably, leading to one of the most emotional months of the year. 


September - Stormy Weather
Marion, can we meet for dinner?
How this dinner thing works
It's officially over
Serious deadline
Decisions are riding on this
If I don't call you
Don't be shy
This has something to do with you
Last chance at dinner
What's stopping you, Marion?

Obama moves from pleading to threatening to wheedling, all to no avail. His desperation became obvious even to outsiders, who noted that he was totally losing control. The cool he had won us all over with was nowhere to be found. My inbox had driven him mad. 

Staring into the abyss.

October - Taking a Stand
"I will not take no for an answer"
It doesn't need to be this way
We can't wait

October saw a return to straight aggression, which was somewhat undercut by his complete breakdown in September. My inbox just couldn't take him seriously anymore. 


November - Big Things
Three years ago right now
Something special happened in Colorado
I'm bringing Michelle

Obama kicked November off with a drunken email from where we had our first date. His loneliness and nostalgia hit an all-time high in Colorado, where he started dating "Michelle." His next step was trying to make my inbox jealous. (It wouldn't work.)


December - Taking Stock
[from Michelle]- Marion, I want to meet you
I won't lie to you
This is not a game
What I wrote
Here's what I need you to know

Michelle tried and failed to get my inbox to take the bait, and by mid-December Obama finally began to realize his mistakes. He finally apologized for what he had written over the past year, and he resolved to start 2012 with a clean slate. 

Happy New Year?